I'll just keep waiting, waiting and wait...
Here's the way I'm overcoming my borelone, through waiting..
Well honestly, how many people down there likes to wait for a very long period? Even creditors think that the earlier their debtors pay the debt, the better it is. But oh well this time is a bit different..
If many do not know why I'm being online for almost of the 24 hours? It's all because of waiting..but firstly I will talk about my waiting life..
Well, firstly will be about the simple waiting, it's common to many though lol. Many should already knew that Wong Isnu Adam is a person who always come way too early and end up waiting many those who are late e.g outtings haha well I'm used to it though, I love to be early, my father always say this to my whole family " It's better to wait rather than making others wait for you". What he's trying to say is, we gain respect from others by being the early-bird, rather than other lose their respect to us for being late..haha well but the saddest thing is some people tend to cancel plan last-minutely and I ended up being disadvantageous..but this mostly came from last minute planning..I'm not angry with them, I always blame myself for being stupid to wait way too early..
Secondly, it's waiting for the time where I can find my permanent happiness. I've been experiencing quite an amount of separations in my life..I'm not sure many people will be able to feel the same as me..although I always tough and treat that separation will just make me stronger..lol I think I need to open my mask in order for your all to see how it feels..back to the permanent happiness..what I'm hoping is something that will really last long..let me tell you a story.. a primary school boy who just separated from his family and due to the characteristic that others might find it uninteresting so he seldom talks to others, but till he reached secondary three level, he finally found his happiness, true friendship..but guess what..just after a year, again I've been separated from that happiness, he moved back to Jakarta, and for your further information, in the same time, he's been separated from his brother too.. this is the first time they separated rooms I think.. Right after that, yet again, he's choosy in friendship, he never really able to hang out with friends who erm well..shan't describe them here..but oh well, guess what..at least he found a new friends but again in Singapore, not so called new though..and he found lotsa things during that holiday but I shall not elaborate here but for sure is,yet again it's another separation, and this makes him to keep waiting,waiting and wait to find his permanent happiness.. constant separation..that's painful..
Lastly, well since I'm being bored and lonely in my room, the thing that I only can do is to wait..wait for my friends to be online..and share their good stories and updates. They went to zoo or cinemas, I'm fine with it though there's tiny jealousy and envied, it's not really a big problem to me. So everyday, I'm waiting,waiting and wait for my friends to be online and make my day happier. But guess what? It's hurtful when your waitings come to nothing..I mean it's like after your all having fun and when you reached home, and you say ''it's fun'' and that's it..oh furthermore, after they all were having fun, sometimes when they reached home, their mood changed, well it's fine if they tell me what changed their mood but the problem is, they are unwilling to tell me..well it's fine and might be a privacy for them..but that makes my brain to guess..and for your further information..i prefer being told rather than guessing.. but oh well sometimes all my waitings come to a naught... disappointing, I was expecting you to share your happiness, not to share your coldness..well sometimes people just love to lie..can people just say " I'm lazy to chat to you" or " I prefer chatting with others",etc..than I will stop bothering these people..I'm fine with it..as long people never tell me beautiful lies..
Oh this is the reason why I'm like onlining 24 hours a day, just to wait to hear good stories from others but end up being the opposite,most of the time..
You see, people won't really care about how I feel here..of course, but imagine if you were me, you will feel something that can make you burst into tears if you're not strong enough..frankly, this is way too much painful..It's not people hurting my feelings, but it's my brain that works as a suicide bomb to myself...tears of loneliness..well heck care people will never care about this..
So again the conclusion is, I will still be waiting, waiting and wait..
Fortunately, I love to wait though it's like sitting on a needle chair..
Even myself still patient enough to wait for an answer..
People said that God loves people who are patient,
but ironically, people won't care about people who are patient enough to wait..
it's pscyhologically true that people will care about themselves, I'm fine with it..
but what happen if you are me? I suggest not but guess what? that's my only supplement of happiness currently..waiting.
I've been waiting, and I've waited and I'll keep waiting, waiting and wait....
but,no one knows...
"A person cares about himself by doing something that people won't care,waiting.."-Isnu
